This week we are talking about the structure of anger and how we can manage our responses. We take you through the stages of conflict and share some thoughts on how we can regain control of our responses. In this chat, we also talk about aggression and how useful it can be especially when channeled in the right way for example at a sporting event, where being aggressive has the potential to help you win and overcome difficulties.
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00:00 Intro and recap
05:29 Anger as a threshold for action
05:52 Does All anger lead to aggression?
06:38 Creating state and accessing it
07:15 The different types of aggression
08:15 Manufactured aggression/emotion
09:04 Accessing the physiology without the emotion
11:01 Hostile versus instrumental aggression
12:10 Conflict management and de-escalation
12:40 Unfair versus no control
13:09 The emotions of actual or illusionary threat
14:18 The Betaris Box -effect of attitude and behaviour
15:58 Eating emotional garlic – our assumptions
17:20 Our internal thinking
17:56 Five stages of managing an aggressive situation
21:16 Dynamics of conflict – anger as a defensive action
21:59 Physiology – What happens when we get angry?
23:45 How training can override biology
24:19 When logic leaves us
24:45 Loss of pain responses and doing the impossible
27:18 Deterioration of cognitive processing and tunnel vision
28:20 Hyper focus
29:01 De escalation
29:14 Using space and barriers to defuse the conflict
30:52 Acknowledging what’s going on
31:21 Change posture to change response -sit down
32:36 Aiming for a win-win situation
33:04 Aftercare in a work setting
34:08 What are you really hearing and seeing
34:55 80/20 Principle – where is the shared goal?
35:30 80 is masking
36:05 20 is the actual conversation
36:35 Chunking up to find common ground
37:43 Does it have to be your way?
39:18 Finding the win-win
40:26 Compromise
42:10 What do we share?
43:30 Moving away from ideal to acceptable
44:34 Regaining control and the power of silence
47:17 Breaking the pattern to change the outcome
48:09 Acknowledging the emotion to break the pattern
49:27 Working with anchors to change our response
50:27 When our inner child takes over
51:37 How context influences our emotional experience
52:35 Creating positive anchors
54:43 Different types of anchor
56:47 We create our emotions
57:33 Summary and Outro